From my heart to yours

Archive for October 2010

So I finally decided to get my own blog…at the risk of seemin like a follower. But writing has always been an extremely important part of my life. You see, a little known fact about me…writing literally saved my life in High school.

Let me explain. In high school I was very depressed, not your typical teenage angst, but actual suicidal depression. I had a suicide plan, and it was gonna work. It wouldn’t have been a cry for help, I would have been successful…I would have DIED.

Now I’m sure some of you are wondering why I didn’t go through with it, and the answer is pretty simple: because I couldn’t do that to my mom. No matter how much I hated being here, I couldn’t leave her here thinkin she did somethin wrong. So instead, I resorted to prayer. I prayed every night that God would take me in my sleep, I didn’t want to wake up. And every mornin when I did wake up, I hated God more.

I was pretty low when I started my creative writing class in my junior year. But that class was the BEST thing that ever could’ve happened to me. I was allowed to write about the things that bothered me most, in a non judgemental atmosphere. I was allowed to be free. I finally was able to tell someone how I felt; I no longer felt like a prisoner in my own mind. And thus, writing saved my life.

So it only seems appropriate that I get back to the one constant in my life. And in light of the recent tragic suicides by so many teenagers, it feels like the timing is right. I can only wonder if those teens were able to find someway to express themselves to someone they could trust, if things would be different. I wonder if the people who knew them noticed that they weren’t quite themselves. I wonder if any of them tried to help. Because people saw that I was different, and not one of them said anything. I am blessed to be here, writing this today. And don’t worry, I am happier now than I have ever been. But it could’ve went the other way, I could’ve died in high school. So I have a question for all of you: When was the last time you took the time to REALLY see how someone you care about is doing? It could make all the difference in the world.



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