From my heart to yours

Archive for April 2011

” It is better to be skinny and ratchet than fat and well put together.” -The Cuzzo

I found out the other night just how true that statement is. I went to meet a friend at a club in Fort Lauderdale for her birthday. This friend had gotten a VIP table and got a bottle and had called me up to ask me if I wanted to be put on the list. Even though it was a Thursday night and I had work the next day I said yes because it was for her birthday. She and her friends were already in the club by the time that I got there. So I sent her to text to see if I needed to wear heels because all of the clubs in Miami require women to have on heels in order to walk in the door. She told me to put on my heels just in case cause they are kind of exclusive. No biggie, I put on my comfortable heels and made my way to the club. I walked up to the security line, ID in hand and ready to go. And that is when the night took a turn for the worst.

Dickhead security #1-You can’t go in.

Me- Why?

DS #1-That dress isn’t working. It’s just wrong. You can’t go in with that dress.

Dickhead security #2-And you can’t go in with flats.

Me- (To DS #2) These aren’t flats. (To DS #1) And what the hell is wrong with my dress?

DS #1-It has too many colors, the flower print, we’re just very exclusive here. You can’t go in.

Me-That doesn’t make any sense. And I’m on the VIP guest list

DS #2- You’re not getting in. You’re just not what we’re looking for.

Pause. I’m not what you’re looking for…And that ladies in gentlemen is when it began to hit me. It wasn’t because of my dress…but because of the size of my dress.

I called my friend, told her what had been said and she came down to see what she could do. She talked to the lady in charge of the VIP reservations who was of no help because she simply said that if the security won’t let me in then I can’t go in. Nevermind what their reasons are. Then my friend proceeded to try to talk to the security.

Friend- Why won’t you let my friend in. She’s on my VIP Birthday guest list.

DS #1- Her dress has too many colors. She can’t go in.

Friend- That doesn’t make any sense. She’s on my guest list!

DS #1- I’m sorry. She just can’t come in.

Friend- Is it because of her size?

DS #1-Yes.

Friend- You can’t be seriously not letting her in for that reason!!

DS #1-What reason?

Random girl waiting to get in to the club- You’re not letting her because of her size! I just heard you say it. That’s ridiculous!

My friend came over to me. Obviosuly upset and starting to cry, she felt helpless. And she was. It was clear to me that they were’t going to change their minds, guest list or not. And I was too embarrased and upset to fight. I didn’t want to upset my friend anymore because it was her birthday and I didn’t want any more unwelcomed attention. So I left. I kept the tears away until I made it to my car where I started crying harder than I can remember crying in a long time.

The girls that got into the club were all small with tight dresses. Most of them looked very nice, but there were some who were absolutely RATCHET! But they were small so it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that I looked very nice and well put together. Hair done, makeup done, cute dress, belted sweater and heels. Hell I even wore earrings and I never wear earrings out! But it didn’t matter because I’m fat. And often that is all people see.

As usual, I’ve been sitting on this post for a few days, deciding if it is something that I truly want to write about. But several conversations this week have led to me really think about why I want to continue on in school to get my PhD in Health Psychology and who I want to help and allowed me to let myself complete this post. I talked to one friend about a program she watched on National Geographic about a man who was over 800 pounds and dealing with the consequences. I also had a talk with one of my line sisters about not liking to exercise with people I know. So here’s some thoughts about why I want to become a health psychologist:

Fat people deal with a lot. We are constantly reminded of our size, whether its an article in a magazine about “fat celebrities,” a tv show about people dealing with weight issues, or not being allowed into a club because of our size. With all of these constant reminders of our “failures” it is no wonder that we often have a hard time getting out of our own way. Even if you didn’t have any issues before and just were too lazy to exercise, its easy to give up if you’re constantly beat down by society for your choices. When I was discussing the story of the 800+ pound man with my friend, I thought  how interesting it would be to talk with that man, his wife, and any other family involved. The underlying psychological issues that the man has, if present, would be interesting to understand. The thoughts that ran through the wife’s mind as she watched her husband eat himself to death (he was given 6-12months to live at the point which the show was filmed) would be fascinating to me. The family’s role in his self-destruction should also be examined to see if they offered support or ridicule.

At the end of the day, dealing with any underlying psychological issues will help with the whole weight loss thing. But if a person constantly has encounters like the one I had at the night club it makes it that much harder. I have my own issues that I am currently dealing with. I can say that the incidence has made me more focused on dealing with my own issues. It is motivating me to take control of how I deal with things. I know I’ve made some progress because instead of coming home and eating everything in sight like I would’ve in the past, I came home, cried it out and went to bed. I am workin on getting myself to handle things better so that I can actually lose weight.

My goal is to get out of my own way so that I can lose the weight that I need to. I want to help others deal with whatever they encounter to help them lose weight. But I don’t want to just help them. I want to help their families and friends. Some of the most frustrating programs I see are those that just educate the client but not the family that is involved in their lives. If you allow a person who has struggles with their weight to be around people who do not support them, they won’t be successful. It’s just like sending someone who just completed an AA program into a bar and telling them to only order water. They might be able to make the right decision the first 2 or 3 times, but eventually they will give in to temptation. I want to educate everyone about obesity. I want all of the ignorant comments to stop. I want people to support overweight/obese people rather than ridicule them. And most important, I don’t want anyone to feel the way that I felt standing outside of that club because that was one of the lowest points that I have ever felt.



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